


the girl with eyes colder than hell itself

by yourhairwaslong



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, M/M, No Smut, Other, basically an au with mikannie and side ships, mikannie - Freeform, probably slow build sorry, snk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-27
Updated: 2014-10-27
Packaged: 2018-02-10 15:33:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2030439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourhairwaslong/pseuds/yourhairwaslong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mikasa and her brother lives alone in a salty house near the wet ocean. They're low on money but , hey who isn't these days?<br/>Eren works and Mikasa is studying to become a doctor.</p><p>One day she meets the mysterious Annie with frozen eyes and she can't get her out of her mind.</p><p>Eren borrows a book about blood cancer but maybe the disease have gone to far to stop?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic^^  
> I'll try to update weekly and I'd love to know what you guys think about this!  
> /E

I wake up to a warm and quiet room early on the Monday morning. As I check my phone I see that the clock is only 4:12 . I'm just going to roll over and sleep for a couple of more hours of blissful sleep as a panicked whining scream slices through the silence like a knife cuts through warm butter. It was a scream like this that woke me I realize and bolt up from the sweaty blanket in my bed. I run through the old and quite murky house in only my thin pajamas heading for my brother Erens room. That's were the screams come from I realize as I slam the door open with all my force and the poor old door awkwardly falls from it's holds. It's even hotter in here and the air feels like it's burning. In the bed lays an ever moving mountain of blankets and the scream aches painfully muffled from the person under the blanket mountain. I try to pull some of the blankets of to calm Eren down but he's inrolled deep and I can't get to him. The high pitched scream continues as I finally manage to pry the sweat soaked sheets of his red face. The scream has became just a whimper. I hold my little brothers head in my lap and I whisper "Eren. Eren what's wrong Eren?" I try to sound soothing but I don't think I manage that well, I probably sound like a hysteric. He doesn't seem to hear me and he keeps throwing himself around and mutter in his sleep. I shake him mildly but he doesn't react so I shake him more violently and then I'm suddenly shaking him like he's dying. Then he finally opens his glassy eyes and looks right through me and I see that he's still in whatever feverish nightmare his brain has projected.  
"Eren please wake up! Eren!" I almost shout at his tanned and very confused face. He's awake now but the memory is still fresh in his mind and I see that he still thinks it was real and I hug him tightly as I mumble "shhhh shhhh" just like the calming ocean that is just outside his window. 

"What was all that about?" I ask a couple of hours later at breakfast. I had to sleep with him just like when he was little and called on me when the stormy sea outside scared him. He didn't want to wake his mother so he came to my bed with those sad puppy eyes only he can give me and then I would sigh and tell him that he was to old for this thing. But then I would let him curl up beside me and I would talk to him and complain over his cold feet until he forgot about the storm outside.  
"I can't remember much other than a lot of blood and I was so scared ,Mikasa, I've never been so scared. Not even when Jean dared me to jump from the school roof and I did" he answers and shrugs that little Eren shrug that he only uses when we're alone, and it means that he's not completely sure which is rare since he's the world's most certain person . I smile a little at the mention of the roof jumping but my smile fades when I think of that this is the third time he has waken up screaming only this month. It has been happening more often since ou-his mother died and his father disappeared and left his son and his adopted sister alone in a paid house. Every month there's money from the bank that we have access to but we both know that it's running out. We almost never talk about it and recently Eren got a job on the l ocal bakery and since he's educated in baking he gets paid quite well but we're still dependant on our monthly bank visits. I'm still studying to become a doctor and I have two more years until I graduate. We can only hope that the money'll last until then. If it doesn't we're screwed and we'll have to sell this house by the sea.

Both me and Eren are quiet for the rest of the meal but it's one of our rare comfortable silences and we put it away in the same silence. Erens hand squeezes mine in an excuse for waking me in the middle of the night and I squeeze back to let him know he's forgiven. He doesn't let go directly afterwards and I look down at our tangled hands. His is dark and raw against mine that looks frail and white in comprehension to his. We stand like that for a couple of moments and enjoy the feeling of closeness that only two people who know each other like we do can. 

Less then half an hour after mine and Erens quiet morning I sit in my small and always quite gas smelling Citroen C1. Today it seems to be in a better mood than usual and the battered caross shakes only a little as I drive out from the garage. Eren waves at me from his rusty yellow yahama moped. It doesn't seen to have such a good day and Eren looks like he'll do something violent we'll both regret. I jump out of the warm car and take the jug of motor oil. The air is cold and it pinches my bare face I pour some oil in the depths in the motor and this time it roars to life. "You're gonna get busted for trimming it like that" I scold at him but we're both to fond of the speed and taste of freedom that it has given us both through the years I grin at him and he grinns back . "I don't even know how you do it. I've tried for over twenty minutes and when you try it starts on one try" Eren says and shrugs slightly.  
"Magic" I smile at him as I jump into the red car.

I'm still quite happy as I patiently wait in the mass of cars that constantly crowds the town of Shigashina. Our town is only famous for an old apocalypse story about giant monsters known as 'titans' thrashing the walls that surrounds the city. There is a giant hole in the wall where it's said that they broke through. I shrug a little at the thought and pull my ever present red scarf up , it's an old gift from Eren and I always wear it as a reminder of the enormous kindness he and his parents showed me. In the beginning it was a reminder of how I needed to pay back by taking care of Eren. He was good at getting in trouble even when he was just a kid. I've always gotten him out of it and it's little of my life mission. Over the years I started to like him and take care of him for him and I see him as my 'real' brother.

When I finally reach the campus my patience is worn out after waiting almost twenty minutes extra trying to find a lot on the stuffed parking. I wave at Armin and he waves back to signal that he has something to tell me. Armin is reading to become a nurse and he's way to smart for only that. I bet he could be a heart doctor if he only tried a little. It's a tight crowd and I have to push my way through to him. His long blonde hair stands out against the crowd and as I come closer I see his smile I smile back as I finally reach him. "Hi Mikasa!" He says but it's so many people talking around and above us I can barely hear him. "Hello Armin" I answer more quietly since I'm right at his ear now.

"Look what I found" Armin says and his eyes shine with a slightly maniacal glow. I look over his shoulder and see a paper about some experimental cure for cancer. Armin is very into cancer. His grandfather died a couple of years ago in lung cancer and since then he has been stalking all the new discoveries about any kind of cancer. He's cut off by Jean and his ever companion Marco. Jean waves and says something but it's lost in the crowd. The message is clear tough, he wants us to come. Marco looks a little embarrassed as much of the crowd turns to stare at his friend. Both me and Armin suspects that they might be more than friends since Jean has stopped hitting on me 24/7. It's a relief and they seen to be good for eachother. Marco is the kindest person alive but he's quite shy and Jean is noisy , outgoing and he always picks fights with Eren. They make a good pair and sometimes they look at eachother and blush. They don't hide it as well as they think they do.

Me and Armin push through the crowd once again. The boys come against us to and they have it much easier to get through. It sucks to be short in this school that seems to be populated by 190 cm people who doesn't care to look down. Jean waves quite aggressively and almost knocks down a few people. They look angrily at him and a big guy named Reiner walks up to him and they have a shirt conversation with lots of waves but I know Reiner and his friend bertl. He can't keep angry for long. They're bit like Jean and Marco but maybe even more obvious.  
"You heard that we're gonna have Dr Hanji in practic all day today?" He says sounding like it's Christmas and his birthday at once. I understand because Hanji Zoe is the best and most engaged teacher we've ever had. They are almost maniacal in their mission to make us all full-fledged doctors. They doesn't seem to have any gender even through the bet rums wild in the parking lots and on the breaks. That's why everyone refers to Hanji as "them". They're the best at explaining and the practice days with them are the best thing on this school. I smile back at Jean which is rare but he doesn't notice since he's looking at Marco like he is the eight wonder of the world. It's nice to not have Jeans eyes on me all the time but against my better knowledge I find myself missing the feeling of someone noticing everything good I do. 

Hanji smiles at me when I walk into the classroom a little earlier than I need to. Their glasses flash in the light and their long brown hair is tied up in a high ponytail thing. The dust particles seems to take their interest from me again and I decide to put my stuff on a bench and read some about today's theme : lung cancer. It's linked with the heart line I and Jean do and it's also in the lung group Marco studies. That explains the happy guys this morning. The cancer apparently comes in two forms : one that is curable with radiation and one that is chronical and uncureable. The synpthomes seems to be pain and the person getting less oxygen so they get exhausted quicker and they might feel dizzy or have bad dreams or hallucinations. That makes me think about Erens bad dreams recently and I shrug a little at that. I don't read anything more and I just sit and stare at the dust like Hanji when the rest of the students arrive noisily.

I probably looks totally out of it because no-one takes the seat beside me. Well not until the lesson is just about to start and a small and blonde girl walks in casually and Hanji doesn't mark on her for being late. Her cold blue eyes scan the room for places. The one besides me is the only one that's free so she sighs and takes it reluctantly. Her eyes are even more intimidating up close. They're cold just like hell is supposed to be cold and I can easily imagine poor souls freezing to death in those orbs. The girls eyes linger on the exit but then she looks at Hanji with the same intensity that she looked at me with earlier. Her nose is bent and a little beak like I notice as her profile is all I see. I rack through my brain to remember her name, it starts with an "A" I think. Then I remember with a flash of realization that she's Annie Leonhardt. She's on top of the lung group and people have been comparing me to her forever since I'm the best too. I've done my best to ignore the rumours about her having succeeded on her first time doing a lung transplant and it's said that the real doctors ask her about advice sometimes. 

The rest of the lecture I try to focus on Hanjis quite interesting speech but I continue to catch myself stealing glances at the unfamous Annie. She's quite fascinating to watch. I ignore her the best I can but the rest of the day is a constant fight to not looking at her and her frozen hell eyes.

When the torture is over I walk to the car trying to not catch Annie's eyes. We haven't spoken anything but I caught her eyes on me several times just at she saw me looking at her. I stare at the wheel like it's the root of my problems. I just sit there like a zombie for several minutes before I notice that Armin is knocking on the window looking concerned. He had all right to since I had my scarf over my mouth and nose and I breathed hard. I pull the window down and he says  
"What's wrong Mikasa?"  
I only shake my head at that and then I add "wanna ride home to our place? We can take you home later too" Armin takes the bus out to his and Jeans and therefore it's probably Marcos too. Three 18 year old guys in two rooms were two of them have enough sexual tension to eliminate Shigashina twice doesn't work for long and Armin is childhood friends with both me and Eren.

Both me and Armin are quiet on the ride home. I notice him looking at me with a still worried face and I wonder how bad I look. I don't even know why I'm upset. It was just some girl I tell myself. I only recently understood that I'm into girls too and I haven't told anyone. Not even Eren. It doesn't feel real and even if I know that he's as far from straight as it's possible the right time just hasn't come. So he still thinks I'm straight as a pencil. I hate lying to him but still I can't make myself tell him. I was the first one he told and it feels a little like treachery to keep quiet but I'm so used to keeping secrets from everyone I hold dear I just can't tell him , I've been quiet for too long.

I spot Erens Yahama that is carelessly resting against the murky wooden wall of the southern side off the house that reminds me of a sleeping animal in the wildgrown garden. Me and Armin jumps out and I bring my books with me. Since I didn't write much about today's lecture I've decided to read all about it to make up. As we walk towards the doors I put the bike more steady against the wall that feels hard and rough to my touch. We'll need to repaint soon but we doesn't have the money to save for even one bucket of color and it'll take atleast six buckets for the house. Armin opens the door and makes a little questioning sound that wonders I'm just gonna stare at the wall like a total nut head or if I'm coming in. I look up at him were he stands in the door with his Mediterranean blue eyes wide with concern and his chin long hair moves in the invisible breeze. I shake my head slowly to get it clear of those thoughts and put my hands into my pockets of my torn jeans as I walk into the bare but somehow still cozy house. 

The divine smell of bread baking meets us as we walk deeper into the belly of the house. Walking into our house feels a little like being eaten alive and then you just walk around inside an animal. Both me , Eren and Armin find that feeling strangely comforting and when I'm here it feels like the troubles of the world are far away. We hear Erens out tuned singing to the sound of his phone's speaker that plays the visual jey music he's so into now as we head for the kitchen were the wonderful smell has it's source. The kitchen is remarkably clean and Eren is cleaning, cleaning! as he sings of heartache and to love someone far away in Japanese unmelodicly. Eren is one of few people I know who really really likes what he's working with so much that he bakes as often he can and his bread is the best I've ever eaten. The house will smell like this for days now and hopefully Eren'll be happy to. Baking makes my brother happy.

"Hey Eren!" Armin says quite loudly over the Japanese screaming "Will we get to taste that masterpiece of yours or are you gonna keep it?" Armin always calls Erens bread 'masterpiece' because of the amazing taste and to tease him.  
"You might if you help me with this cleaning!" Eren answers in a light tone since the kitchen is almost spotless now. For only a couple of weeks ago Eren couldn't care less about how the kitchen looked but now he always clean up his mess. I don't know why but I suspects it might've something to do with the short and I guess quite good looking guy who was here to fix a leak in our tap that had been annoying me forever. He had a total rage about how our kitchen was filthy and disgusting Eren said but when I got angry at the guy who's name was Levi something he said the kitchen actually was messy. 

Eren nods in my direction and I wave back as I head upstairs to my room where I'll dump the books. The ornated stair makes sad sounds like an old and sinking ship for every step I take. It's poorly lit in the stairway and I hit my head in the ceiling on my way up. Portraits of me and Eren smiling lines the path and I let myself fall bak in nostalgia to the good old days. My favorite picture is on only Erens smiling face as he's trying to reach the camera with his little chubby toddler hands. That pic is taken before he and his father found me just after some human traffickers had killed my family in front of my eyes. Eren got there first and the men tried to kill him too but he managed to take the gun from the man and as he aimed it at his head the gun fired. The other man fought Eren who only was nine years old to the ground but left the gun just at my feet. I took it reluctantly but as Eren said "if you win , you live. If you lose , you die and if you don't fight you cannot win" so I took the pitch black weapon in my small and shaking ten year old hands and fired the guy in his filthy brain. We left the place and Eren promised that I could live with him. That's when he gave me the scarf too. 

Ever since then I've lived in this dark and salty house by the sea that is so much like Eren. One day clear and calm and the next raging and storming violently. Over the years inside this living house I've learned to predict both the ocean outside and my brother. The screaming music has stopped downstairs and I hear Erens and Armins muffled voices. That's interesting , and I stop to listen to what they say.  
"Armin. I'll have to ask you about a theoretical scenario" Erens voice says and I think it sounds a little shaky.  
"What Eren?" Armin answers calmly and Eren replies quickly  
"what is the symptoms to blood cancer?"  
"Eren why do you want to know that...?" Armin asks sounding questioning  
"Eh... nothing. Please forget I asked okay?"  
It's quiet for a moment after that and the heartbroken song plays again. I shrug a little and put my books on the bed before heading down to the kitchen again.

 

Eren has outdone himself. The bread tastes like an even mixture of heaven and hell and it's pure perfection.  
"Holy. Shit. Eren how do you even do miracles like this?" Armin asks with a look of absolute disbelief on his face that is so perfect I have to laugh. Eren just laughs too with the intensity he does everything and then gets through " I've got maagic hands Armin my friend. Just like Mikasa and the car" his face when he's trying hard not to laugh is hilarious and my belly aches from all the laughing. Somewhere deep in my mind I wonder like I always do when good things happen what kind of bad thing will happen next. This world wants balance more than anything else so I figure that for every good thing that happens there must be an equally bad thing just waiting around the corner. Call me a pessimist or whatever but I guess that this will be the last truly happy moment in a very long time.


	2. the scarf girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annie's thin blondish eyebrow rises about three millimeters to disturb her deadpan expression. 
> 
> I look into her. She's not impressed. I'm not impressed either. Or not that much.
> 
> Mikasa and Annie happens to meet.  
> Armin and Eren look at eachother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fact: this was supposed to be a oneshot but then it grew. A lot

The boy with wolf eyes

That night the ground is covered in a thin blanket of snow. Eren sleeps quietly but I can't seem to follow him to the land of dreams. I'm laying dead still in my messy bed trying to get the picture of frozen blue eyes to drown in out of my mind with varying result. Finally I give up and sit in the bed staring at the slightly cracked ceiling in vain. It's so dark that there's no colors except black and grey so it feels like in one of those old crime movies. 

I close my eyes slowly as rub my two chin piercings slowly. I lay the scarf over my face and let the familiar feeling of the rough fabric calm me but there's a smell of a perfume I don't recognize at first until I realize it's her scent that has rubbed of after a day,sitting less than 5 cm apart. It smells faintly of lemon and a flower I can't really define. It resembles me of open places and snow which doesn't make any sense. 

The night air in this salt smelling house is hot and sticky. It is eerily quiet and if I concentrate I can hear Erens steady breathing. The analog clock downstairs in the kitchen ticks loudly and I count the seconds laying absolutely still. After seven minutes of counting every second I give up and rise to stand beside my bed. I tell myself I need water just to get something done. 

The narrow path to the stairs goes past Erens room and I glance in to see him sprawled on his small bed with the quilts everywhere and the blouse moonlight reflecting in his silver chin piercing. I guess my own snakebites and eyebrow piercings looks the same. Annie has a whole armada of piercings I remember as I rub my black metallic snakebites. One ring in the lip , two studs in her too curved nose , two rings in her thin eyebrows and like twelve on each ear. Why do I remember all of her piercings? What kind if person makes lists of complete strangers piercings????? The clock ticks for a good four minutes as I stand still and think of the fact that I know Annie's piercings better than my own ones. The tiredness has sneaked up on me and I slope the idea of water as I turn to backtrack the way back to my warm and comfy bed.  
I fall asleep slowly and then all at once like sleep is supposed to come.

The next morning comes brutally with full force right in my sore face. The blinding sun beams in throughout the window and it is reflected on the snow so it is many times stronger than the actual sun. I lay there still just like before and the sun hurts my eyes but I embrace the pain. My room smells sweat and desperation. We live in a house full of ghosts Eren and I. I can almost hear our mothers steps down in the worn down kitchen and the smell of the his fathers thick cigars and the always present scent of coffee. Nowadays it smells of my green tea and of Erens bread. It might be a more pleasant smell than old coffee and thick cigars but I constantly find myself missing the thick and earthly aroma of Erens parents who took care of me. 

I feel hungover and tired. That is stupid since I haven't been hungover once in my life because I have been busy calming down Eren. He has been hungover to many times for me to count and I've always made him drink water and tea the day after. I guess I've been babying him a bit to much but today he seems to be set to redo some of my efforts talking to a drunkass teenager. His happy yellow wolf eyes smiles at me and I stare apatheticly at him as he holds a miracle that is a tray with microwave heated bread from yesterday and two cups of smoking hot tea.  
"You're an angel today" I remark dryly at his grin at my thanful face.  
"Had to show my true face someday" he says still grinning as we both burn our tounges on the too strong and too warm tea.  
"You left the teabags in for to long" I manage a little slurry with my scorched mouth.  
"Mphhawpk" Eren replies and breadcrumbs and tea falls into my bed as he chokes on the mixture of hot tea and half-eaten bread.

Half an hour later when Eren isn't choking on our sappy breakfast Armin comes over with his rusty red bike and his eyes linger on Erens for about thirty seconds longer than what's necessary. There's possibly some conversation in those seconds and I wonder about their talk yesterday.

What did Eren imply? He's never shown the slightest interest about cancer before which is quite strange since Eren is really passionate about chemistry and medicines that's why he works at that bakery. Baking is just like chemistry actually and those two can ramble on about medicines and how to make new cures to every single disease that has ever plauged mankind. They're jerks but they're mine jerks and I'll make sure they don't just sit and mull about cancer all day.

After the awkward silence that sticks to everything Armin shrugs and only a microsecond later Eren shrugs too. They're so damn synked it's almost creepy to watch their super telepathy conversations. They're lucky I'm there to pull them out of that because they clearly don't understand that other people doesn't understand the secret glance language. My brothers makes me so tired sometimes. Armin and I are just as close as Eren and I so I guess I can see him as my brother too. Nothing special.

the normal morning routine goes by with me and Eren sharing the one bathroom. We both mangle in and I try to put on mascara while he brushes his teeth violently. After I almost poke my eye out with the brush and I shove Erens face violently into the mirror that cracks a little more than it's already done. 

"Ouch miks! Was that really necessary?" He says rubbing his head slowly. 

I nod as I apply the last of the mascara and elbow myself out of the the tiny and crammed bathroom. Armin smiles at me when I leave and Eren slams the door shut with force. 

I manage some grimace that involves the corners of my mouth being turned upwards. With some of Armins good will he might figure it was supposed to be a smile. I need to get better at all this smiling back because I'm polite thing.

Later in the shaking and coughing car with Armin I look at the rearview mirror. The reflectioned girl looks beautiful and her Asian features look exotic or maybe just like she's constantly having wind in her eyes. Her eyes meet mine but then I'm already at campus 

Armin looks at me with that thousand year old look he gave Eren this morning. But be doesn't say anything and neither do I. The silence is heavy and sticky like syrup and I open up the drivers door to break it. Me and my bag full of books get out and so does Armin with his own full backpack.

My phone buzzes and when I pull it out while walking I see it's from Eren

From:  
Eren:  
Hey miks do we hav any hairbands? I need one 4 my bangs their getting long.

To:  
Eren:  
Yeah left drawer beside the tube. 

I text him back , still walking and then I remember that the hairbands are a vibrant pink. I text again to add that.

From:  
Eren:  
Thats cool I like pink.

That almost makes me smile. Almost. Eren doesn't care about normal. He's special that way but it can also be a problem when he speaks his mind. This job of his has made it better tough. I guess working dough makes a good therapy.

I'm cut off in my deep thoughts about therapy by bumping into someone significantly shorter than me but who's walking way faster. 

I see a ruffle of blonde hair a knife sharp curve of a nose.  
"Annie" my mind supplies me with and her pale dead eyes looks at me slowly like an ancient predator.

I look back faster like a more modern hunter and our eyes lock. She looks uninterested and I probably look about as emotional as a dead deer. God, her eyes have almost no color at all. I realize I've been staring and that's probably rude but she's staring too and we're stopping up everyone in the corridor. 

Time isn't frozen and get rest of the world doesn't disappear leaving us alone but there's something about the way pur eyes lock. I can't look away while I'm bound by the dead and beautiful abyss in her eyes. Her eyes doesn't leave mine and I wonder what in my black orbs keep her gaze on them. 

She seems to remember that she has classes to go to the same moment as I do. We both collect the books that fell tonrhe floor without me noticing. 

"You're Mikasa?" She asks and manages to say it right "Mee-kasaa" she says and that is about as close anyone's ever been to getting it right the first time. Her voice sounds raspy and rich. Like ice it covers the insides of my ears. 

"Yeah. You're Annie?" I ask her back even through I already know I'm suddenly wanting to hear her voice again. My own voice sounds deep and even and I do my best to not let any of that feelings that fight in my head get out. I'm quite good at that and she probably doesn't know that she made my head flutter just by colliding with me. 

The rest of the day is a ruzzle and I almost have to make an effort to get everything right. Normally the things that are taught are quite simple except when professor Hanji holds class. That's usually quite wild with hypothesises everywhere and the class is engaged and no-one is bored.

Armin and I venture hone in the car that definitely is not having a good day. It coughs and makes sounds I'm quite certain no car should make.

Then it makes a final cough and

Stops.

Outside the snow has started to fall and the flakes are larger than my hand. They fall in a wet slushy mass as Armin and I sit quiet in the petite car. The heat is still working so we won't freeze to death at least. 

The road lays empty. We're outside Shigashina on a rarely trafficked stretch of road. The killer weather makes it impossible to get out of the car without letting all the heat out. 

It's quiet. 

The snowflakes throws themselves at the front window like they're tired of this life and want to commit suicide. I relate to that and I reckon Armin does too. His eyes are closed and his corn colored hair is matted in the bad light. 

We sit like that in silence for about one hour when a car pulls up to stop besides us. It's a mud grey ford mustang. Quite impressing if you're into American muscle car which I'm not. Or maybe a little. 

When the door opens and a yellowish messy bun of hair that is Annie's trademark along with her dead and almost colorless eyes I'm not even surprised. The snow has lightened almost by miracle when she gets there and we look at eachother in a wordless greeting. 

Armin looks nervous and I understand that. We both get out of the tiny crammed car and out in the liquid air that is snow and ice. The car will need start cables to live again and I get the tangle of cable from the back of the car. Annie and Armin are talking quietly when I get back to where they stand out of that winds reach. 

They're so deep into whatever they're talking about that they don't notice be coming and I make some noise walking trying to get their attention. It works but before Armin silences I hear " Mikasa's -" I don't have time to dwell on that and he probably just tried to explain what happened to the car. 

Probably.

His slightly blush may also be a treat from the cold. Maybe 

Annie nods at him and then eyes my cables skeptically. I eye her skeptically in return. The world is still very much there and Armin, the poor shota looks like he's freezing his ears off. I should get him into the car but Annie is distracting. 

"They work" I tell her eyes that look like silver in this light. 

She just nods with that slightly skeptical look still intact. I attatch the cables to my battered car and then I hand them to her. She looks at them like they're something that the cat pulled in and left to rot under the kitchen counter. Then she opens up the cars hood and WoW that's an engine. 

Armin doesn't look at it tough. He looks at Annie's slightly smug face. I look at the engine. Annie looks at me. 

Florence and the machine plays muffled from the car.  
"Blinding" makes a bizzare soundtrack to the scene with us staring at eachother.  
'And I can hear the thunder and see the lightning crack. And all around the world's was waking, I never could go back' Florence sings. 

The cables transport the electricity from her car to mine and the engine awakes, sounding like a chainsmoker. 

Annie's thin blondish eyebrow rises about three millimeters to disturb her deadpan expression. 

I look into her. She's not impressed. I'm not impressed either. Or not that much.

Both mine and Armins fingers are red and unmoveable because of the numbing cold. Annie's headlights disappear in the same way she came from which is probably strange.


	3. wolfeyed boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something finally happens..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to make this.   
> I'm on mobile and it kills

Armin looks puzzled all the way back home and we're both quiet. The snow falls eerily outside the cars windows and I'm concerned about how the car sounds, like some kind of dying giant. 

It manages to stay in one part until I pull up on the driveway. I curse softly at it's inability to stay alive before we both get out. The snow is falling to hard for anything to be done today and Armin can't bike home. He has a set of clothes here and a toothbrush tough so it's no problem.

The picture of Annie's eyes are making itself comfy and at home behind my eyelids. 

We stumble into the house that once again reminds me of the corpse of a whale. It's not cold inside and the ocean smells stongly like seaweed and salt. Nothing moves and I'm pulled under the surafce of the sea. I'm drowning slowly.

"Eren..?" I ask in a voice that is as muffled as the light and it feels fitting. 

It's hot and the air goes in waves. It sticks to my skin and Armin is sweating in Bertholdt style. 

The only answer to my question is silence and the almost unbearable heat.

"Eren!?" I shout and now my voice cuts through the stunning heat. I run towards the kitchen were Eren rooms 47% of all his time in here. 

The air becomes more stiftling aas I get there. The oven is wide open and it's the source of the heat. 

But besides the it lays a dark figure.   
I rush to close the oven. 

It's  
Eren.   
On the floor. 

The world is still. I don't breathe.  
That figure, I can't really think of it as Eren doesn't breathe either. We're statues in the muffled light. 

Armin arrives into the scene and makes a screeching sound when he sees Eren. I'm released from my time as statue and I run towards the body that I can't think of as my brother or I'll lose my mind. 

He isn't breathing but his heart beats and I press my mouth against his , tasting flour from the baking on his lips. I count the pushes on his chest and blow.

His lungs flatter weakly under my steady hands. Then they just move on their own and I let go of the body. Armins eyes are wide as he chatter meaningless things into his phone. 

The baby blue phonecase looks out of place in the dark house. It's still sickly hot and I pick Eren up in my arms bridal style. 

I'm strong but something inside of me has shattered and I can't feel.

The electric bluelights of the ambulance blinds me as I get out into the freezing night. It's snowing like crazy and the headlights make tunnels in the frenzy of the snowflakes fall. 

Ambulance drivers and nurses surrounds me and Eren. I let them take him from the warmth of my arms still feeling empty. The hospital crew lifts my brother into the yellow ambulance and they hook him up on machines. The devices looks like something out of the tfios movie.

The nightsky is pitch black and it spews snowflakes at us. I look up for a moment and is rewarded with ice in my eyes. It stings and brings me back to reality. 

A nurse with a bad blonde haircut and a lisp waves me in and I stumble into the high car. The nurse introduce himself as Auruo and looks at me with a concerned face. His face looks funny but I can't feel it. 

The ambulance rattles to life underneath me and I sit down in the front. Eren is laying completely still except his chest that heaves evenly. His eyes are closed. 

My breath hitches and I pull the scarf over my face. There's a lump in my throat but I swallow it. 

I'll break totally if I cry. So I just sit there while the machines pumps artificial life into my brother and the snow hammers against the window. 

Armin sits on the floor looking so lost that I unclip my safetybelt and then I sit beside him holding his hand. It's maybe the first or second time I actually touch Armin. He always looked like he'd break if I did, so I kept the physical contact at a minimum. His hand is dry and the skin is all flaky. 

He has black nailpolish on his long nails. I hold his hand and he leans against me as the machines beep. I can't bring myself to look at the source of the sounds and I close my eyes slowly. 

Eventually the car stops and Eren is wheeled out of my sight. It kickstarts my mind and I jump up to follow the bed but a doctor who could make some money by playing Captain America stops us. 

"Couldn't you two sit down here?" He asks and looks concerned. I'm getting real tired of those concerned! looks. 

"What are you gonna do with my brother?" I ask in what mightn't be my most charming manner but I don't care. 

"He'll need an operation right?" Armin says with those topaz orbs of his totally serious.

Captain America nods and then he apparently considers our conversation over and walks away. He's got a booty and Armin looks at it. 

I wish I could lose myself in bootyland to but my brothers lungs are being operated right now. 

Me and Armins sand blonde hair sit on the striped blue sofa. Do we look like lost children?  
I feel like a lost child. 

The whole hospital is clinically white with vomit colored floors and overworked humen. Their eyes have seen bodies that shouldn't have been seems as they tried to mend them. 

You can't mend everyone tough. There's parts of me put of sight that would make even the most hardened doctor wince. We all have things we don't show even to our loved ones.

That's why we're all doomed to fail sooner or later. Our inability to trust others and how we're to keen on pressing the trigger.   
A kind looking woman with three cups of hot cocoa interrupts my thoughts about the human nature. 

"Do you want some?" She chimes and looks at us with a smile that is so sweet it makes me want to throw up. She has blonde hair in a loose pony tail and eyes the same shade as Armins. They're quite alike and could totally switch places without anyone noticing. 

I'm about to say "thanks but, no thanks" when Armin nods and pats at the sofa beside me to make her sit. She does and the light fabric of her skirt whispers along my leg. 

The warmth of the cocoa feels nice in my cold hands and it smells like it just ascended from heaven. I sip at it and burn my tounge. 

Armin and the girl who's name apperantly is Historia engage in a conversation. Her girlfriend is apparently in here somewhere. Historia found her consciousless and that lights a sparkle in my brain. 

"Was she breathing?" I ask and she looks like I just spit a cobra out. Then she shakes her teeny blond head. 

Armin looks at me and we probably both think the same thing: that's the same as Eren.


End file.
